I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister...

(To the tune of 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General)*

I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister
My words are often cynical, my motivation sinister
I know the laws of England though for me they don't quite register
From Habeus to Corpus, Magna Carta doesn't matter here!

I'm very well acquainted too with matters all political
I understand elections, swing, and all the tricks to rig 'em all
On Paliamentary theorem I am teeming with a lot o'news
With many cheerful facts to use to baffle and befuddle you

I know about the people struggling through in this economy
Yet 'coz I am a Minister it doesn't really bother me
As I make loads of cash from all my Interests on the Register
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
As he makes loads of cash from all his Interests on the Register 
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister

I know our country's history from Thatcher to Jim Callaghan
I've studied all our foreign wars from Falklands to Afghanistan
And yet I signed the sales forms giving weapons to the Taliban
Because I'm not like Churchill, I am rather more like Chamberlain

Now I can speak to Parliament and People with authority
On topics one and all, from income tax to foreign policy
My speeches are a marvel of sonority not brevity
And I can make it sound to them like I have genuine empathy

And I can write a bill to take your Civil Rights away from you
With DNA, ID Cards and a database to follow you
In short with legislation that's designed to chafe and monitor
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
In short with legislation that's designed to chafe and monitor 
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister

In fact when I can understand just what is meant by 'poverty'
When I know more of life than does a novice in a nunnery
And worked instead of reading PPE at University
Then I could do my job with more compassion and propriety

For all my time in Parliament, I'm niggarly and cowardly
I simply feel the Laws of all the land do not apply to me
In short, I am a Stalinist, with motivations sinister
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
In short, he is a Stalinist, with motivations sinister 
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister

*With apologies to both Gilbert AND Sullivan

From dungeekin

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