** The blogs been getting a tad heavy of late with the islamonazi bits and no offence to the earthquake victims in Pakistan, but this piss take of Newport - my home city came into my e-mail inbox in work and needed to be posted. If you like it make a donation to the real disaster fund for the poor people in Pakistan.
An Earthquake measuring 5.7 on the Richter scale hit Newport last Wednesday morning.
The epicentre was Corporation Road,.
Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order" "mental" and "sorted".
The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas for 'burning out cars' were wiped out, these being known locally as being of historic importance.
Many locals were woken before their Giros arrived. One resident, Kylie -Demi Tremarco, a 15 year old single mother of four said "It was such a f**kin shock, little Chardonnay-Destiny came running into my bedroom crying; my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin-up."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous "Elizabeth Duke" sovereign rings, benefit books and Pound Stretcher ornaments.
How can you help?
This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits, white socks, Burberry caps, Beanie hats and Reebok trainers.
Food parcels are also needed. They should include McCain oven chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and FarmFoods pizza. Sadly fresh supplies of alcohol are also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider, Tennants Super and Special Brew.
Cash donations are urgently needed and if you send your credit or debit card details the residents will do the rest.
Remember -
*22p buys a 'signing-on' biro,
*£2.50 buys a Jumbo sausage dinner,
*£20.00 buys a fake MOT and
*£16.00 buys 200 Regal from the back of Misso's lorry.
YOUR HELP COULD SAVE LIVES
THANK YOU.
** And onto silly stories, found this on the web and its worthy of a post:
A cat ran off with its owners toe after he accidentally chopped it off and then left it on the floor while he called an ambulance.
Udo Ried, 41, was slicing bread in his kitchen in Luebeck, Germany, when he dropped a large kitchen knife onto his bare foot, chopping off his second toe.
While Ried was hopping to the bathroom to get a bandage and at the same time using his mobile phone to call emergency services, his cat Fritz pounced on the bloody toe and ran off with it into the garden.
Ried tried to get the toe back but after a few minutes he was forced to abandon the search to seek medical attention.
A spokesman for Luebeck hospital said they would have been able to reattach the toe if the cat had not stolen it.
** And more humour - well nearly....
Tony Blair was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." Tone said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One". Get my pal George W Bush to help out on that one.
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." Blair said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them"!
The third kid said, "I want a motorised wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" Blair is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped...?" The kid says, "No but I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
** And finally a cool quote that if you think about applies to politicians everywhere, well except for my local MP Jessica Morden as the lazy bitch is never is the commons to earn the vast wages/expenses that we the humble taxpayers pay for her lazy do nothing arse...
“How a politician stands on the Second Amendment tells you how he or she views you as an individual: as a trustworthy and productive citizen, or as part of an unruly crowd that needs to be lorded over, controlled, supervised, and taken care of.”
Rep. Suzanna Gratia Hupp of Texas
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