France - Update

I did a bit on the French and the fact that they just keep on losing wars, and never one to shy away from corrections and bits that have been missed from the original I there fore have to point out the following: Noticed that Trafalgar was missing
1805 - A British Fleet took on a much bigger Fench and Spanish fleet off the coast of Spain and sent them to the bottom of the sea.
1940 - Orans etc - British biplanes (!) sink the french fleet. In future ALL French warships are built with glass hulls to allow them to be steered clear of previous French fleets.

Oh and don't forget the French invasion of Wales 1780 ish ? Where they surrendered to the local women!

*Corrections sent to me by Arfur. - Have to find out off him what the so called police in Newport are doing about the racial attack on him a few months ago? Seems that the office responsible for "investigating" the crime is still on "holiday" - nice work if you can get it.-, and people wonder why the reported crime levels are so low and yet more of our honest citizens are scared to venture out at night. Bet you a stack of money that had things been the other way around and had been the one pulling a knife on the sand nigger he would have appeared before the justice in record time....

** With regard to ze Fwenche, I will point out that it looks like they are about to lose to radical islam in Paris at the moment....

3 DOGS 3 dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. One is a Poodle, one is a Schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane. The Poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Schnauzer asks the poodle, "Why are you here?" The Poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is here. The Great Dane responds, "My owner is Angelina Jolie the looney actress. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself. Have to say she was a half decent shag it must be the Sankrit tattoo on her back that put me off."

The Poodle asks, "So she brought you here to be put to sleep?" The Great Dane says, "No, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."

JOKE 2.
SMART DOG! A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a big black labrador in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the lab is back again. He walks over to the lab, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the lab's mouth, there is a 20 dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places the bag in the lab's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the lab. So, off he goes. The lab trots off down the street and comes to a crossing. The lab puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. When it does, he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The lab then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The lab checks out the times, and sits on one of the benches. Along comes a bus. The lab walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his bench. Another bus comes. Again the lab goes and checks out the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now fully intrigued, follows the lab onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the lab gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still in tow. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whomp!- against the door. Then he goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whomp!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the lab goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the lab, who now hangs his head in shame. The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV!" To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

TALKING DOG A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running." "The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down." "So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

** And a classic on the French from the Drybonesblog.... Not that anyone would ever question the courage of the French.....

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