After the recent report on Princess Dianas death that finally showed that all the conspiracys about her death were in fact just rubbish, oh and of course the usual media overload about a report stated what most people already knew anyway oh and that pissed away four million quid of taxpayers money just to show that well she (di)ed in an accident.
So figured that was as good a reason as any to repost a load of Princess Di jokes, was going to do this a few weeks ago but Christmas got in the way.
Tags: Princess Diana, Sick Jokes
"Who's there?"
"Diana, Princess of Wales."
"Sorry, but I don't open the door for dead people."
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Mother Theresa."
"I thought I said I don't answer the door for dead people."
"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Elvis Presley."
"Hey, let's hurry! Burger King closes in an half hour..."
Diana can't stop either.
BMW doesn't get any royalties.
Versace was sent up first to get the wedding gown and decorative preparations done for the occasion;
Then D & D went on together;
Mother Teresa went next to bless the couple;
An invitation was sent to Elton John to sing at the service but somehow it was misdirected and went to John Denver instead.....
About 6 feet.
None. They're too busy taking pictures.
Died on direct impact.
Impact
Casper can go through walls, Diana can't
They decided not to call it 'Live in Paris'.
You need to get a doctor in to remove the plaster of paris.
All he could say was that she really needed to get something off her chest.
She was late for her flying lesson with John Denver.
Its easier to scrape together 39pence.
No, she would then have been mummy-Fied.
They both die in tunnels!!
They both made quite an impact over in Europe.
Makes ya want to go get drunk and drive into a post, doesn't it.
The puppy eventually stops whining.
One had Royal Crowns the other had Crown Royals.
Yep, one blew out the left window and the other out the right window.
They were both chaste/chased.
Died Of Driver Intoxication.
The Bears don't die until after they come out of the tunnel!
No, but she was nearly in Seine.
They both came from France in a wooden box.
It's called "Like a Gerbil in the Wind."
It was discovered that none of them on board was a princess.
Ma'am slaughter.
Now she's history.
The news of Dianna's death would have killed him.
It seems that no one else has big enough ears to go 12 rounds.
Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Crash, Bang, Wallop what a picture!
Automobile Impacted Diana Spencer
Another Idiot Driver Smashed
Catholics one, Protestants one.
As a Driver at the Paris Rytz
She's losing weight again!
Her Crashes affect more people than his.
Both had to die to get away from Queen.
When she turns into a pole.
The Lady in Red.
A turnover.
A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
Their drivers suck.
"You look smashing!"
"Zippady Dodi, zippady Di!"
George Best can still take corners when he's mad.
No photos. I'm a bloody mess.
One has a Mrs Mangle, the other has a Mangled Mrs.
My other car's a decoy.
He replied, "infrequently." The paparazzi responded by saying, "Is that one word or two?"
Michael Jackson. He asked "how much for her bones."
Your computer speeds up, your driver runs into a post processor, and your hard drive crashes.
A DI HARD.
Princess Diana never became a queen of England.
The silly girl asked for extra paparazzi.
.....Dodi dodi dodi dodi dodi dodi....
Leeches fall off after you die.
By placing Land mines around it.
They had a fight over who wore the skirt in the family.
Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Crushed velvet.
Taxi.
One Wedding and a Funeral.
The Royalty formally known as Princess Di.
All over Paris.
She hit the roof.
They both make Royal Jelly.
Leave her out in the sun.
Pulverized Mercedes Syndrome.
You don't have to give them your address, they'll find you no matter where you are.
He's calling it "Sandals in the Bin".
The East Germans survived the wall.
I brake for Paparazzi.
They are both extinct.
The frog turns into a wall and croaks.
Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
So at least one old queen would be seen to cry in public.
Roxette - Crash! Boom! Bang!
Michael Jackson - Blood on the dashboard
Their last greatest hit was the WALL.
"Do you want to sleep here or crash in the car?"
They both died when they hit 100.
The dashboard.
Di was wrapt about pre-stressed cement.
Getting Di off the uphostery.
They both didn't make it home from the tunnel.
"Leave me alone, I'm a bloody princess. You photographers drive me up the wall."
Crash diet.
They both bought it in the backseat of a car.
No, the French underground did it.
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ.
Car-pole-tunnel syndrome.
The radiator.
She wanted something more concrete in her life.
French squash.
"Another Brit in the Wall"
To paint the town red.
Leader of the Pack
Won't someone buy me a Mercedes-Benz?
Die Like an Egyptian
Dead Man's Curve
Last Time in Paris
How Much is that Dodi in the Window
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
Because they got Di all over it.
The wall.
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
4 Harvey Wallbangers, 2 Slammers, followed by 6 chasers.
He's got a better driver.
M.A.D.D. Monarchs Against Drunk Drivers.
Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porsche!
Do you want to come to Paris with me and "Di"?
Nothing - you have to cut them both open to get the "Di" out.
Don't you think were taking this thing a little too fast?
Notre Dame made it out of the tunnel.
Because Diana gets to wear the next Versace collection before she does.
They say its a match made in heaven.
He wanted to make a big impact on the concrete industry.
He wanted to see if a Mercedes Bends....
Mother T. deserved a Royal Reception.
Neither did she.
It's going to be called "Di hard" or "Live and Let Di"
How does the Government make mincemeat? They build tunnels.
You say someone's life came to an end.
The Crash Test Dummies couldn't make it!
Died in a nasty accident.
Died opposite Di.
"Can you give me a crash course in media recognition?"
"Well, Di did have a more smashing personality."
A: I brake for poparazzi!
Q: Why was Elton John invited to Diana's funeral?
A: So at least one old queen would be seen weeping in public.
Q: What was Diana's favorite wine?
A> "I'm a victim and you're to blame." (whine).
When the Queen Mother died and went to heaven she asked St Peter how it was that after all her dedicated years of service to her country, she still had a much smaller halo to wear than Diana.
"That's not a halo, ma'am, it's a steering wheel" - Oh and on and on they go, endless sick jokes going on for ever and a day. Still must remember a mr a.fyed@harods.com...
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Videos
The National Debt Clock.
Tuesday 26 December 2006
Princess Diana Jokes - Now the public enquiry is over lets bring the jokes back...
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Here's three more --
Q: What does Prince Phillip's bumper sticker say?
A: I brake for poparazzi!
Q: Why was Elton John invited to Diana's funeral?
A: So at least one old queen would be seen weeping in public.
Q: What was Diana's favorite wine?
A> "I'm a victim and you're to blame." (whine)
The mortuary attendant was zipping UP the body bags when he sang 'Zipup de Dodi, zipup de Di'.
When the Queen Mother died and went to heaven she asked St Peter how it was that after all her dedicated years of service to her country, she still had a much smaller halo to wear than Diana.
"That's not a halo, ma'am, it's a steering wheel"
Yes I enjoy them, thge woman was a skank when she was alive and probably the same now she is dead.
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