Danish Humour - Thanks to Gates of Vienna

Came across these couple of gems on the Gates of Vienna site:

It seems that little Ahmed had been studying very hard in his elementary school Danish language class, and when he took the exam, he got a perfect score.

The teacher made a big fuss over Ahmed when she presented him with his certificate.

“Congratulations, Ahmed!” she said. “You are now a Dane!”

Ahmed was so excited and happy and proud that he ran all the way home. Bursting into the house, he cried to his father, “Papa! Papa! Look: I got an A! Now I am a Dane!”

His father became very angry and slapped him across the face. “You filthy little boy! You have shamed our entire family!”

Ahmed burst into tears. “I don’t understand,” he wailed; “I was so proud! I will have to show my certificate to Mama.”

He found his mother in the kitchen. “Mama! Mama! Today I am a Dane!”

His mother scowled at him and slapped his face. “You should be ashamed of yourself! You have brought dishonor to your whole family!”

Ahmed cried even harder. “This is awful! Why is this happening to me? I have only been a Dane for twenty minutes, and already I have been attacked by two immigrants!”

and

Mohammed complains to his doctor:

"Every time I have sex with a Danish girl my eyes gets terribly sore."

The doctor runs a few tests and comes back with the result:

"No wonder. You're allergic to pepper spray!"

and some more I have added:

Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. What's toilet paper?

Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
A. Tickle the goat under the chin.

Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump?
A. "Having car trouble?"

A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks
the assistant for an inflatable doll.

"Would you like male or female?"

"Female, please."

"Would you like Black or White?"

"White, please."

"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"

This question confused the man, so he asked,
"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an
inflatable doll!"

"Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows
itself up!"

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

A Palestinian girl says to her mommy, "After Abdul blows up, can I have his room?"

some political balance: A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

Tags: Islam, Jihad

Denmark, Humour

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a note in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Kennedy opened the note, which appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H.

Kennedy was baffled, so he E-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.

Within a few seconds, the Marines cabled back with this reply: "Tell Kennedy he is holding the message upside down."

and the best saved till last:

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