John Darwin Joke.

John Darwin has walked into a police station after being missing, presumed dead for five years.

He says that's the last time he goes on holiday with the McCanns!

a baffled-looking balding man stumbles onto the front pages professing to know nothing of what's gone on for the last couple of years... But enough about Steve McClaren, how's that canoeist?



John Darwin's canoeing and gets lost. Still paddling after sunset, he finally spots an island with a sandy beach and sets up camp. He wakes up in the morning and notices that the sand is dark red. The sky is dark red. He walks around and sees dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too. "Oh no!" he says, "I've been marooned!"

Why did the John Darwin canoe across the Atlantic?To get to the other tide.

John Darwin's sitting in his canoe and he's quite cold. He decides to risk it and light a fire. The canoe immediately sinks. This just goes to prove that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

John Darwin goes for a medical check-up. The doctor tells him: "I've got some bad news. You've got amnesia and you're technically dead." Darwin replies: "Well, at least I'm not technically dead."

Anne Darwin goes to her local police station, along with her next door neighbour, to report her husband John as missing. The policeman asks for a description. Mrs Darwin says, "He is 30 years old, 6ft 4in, brown eyes, thick dark hair, athletic build, is soft-spoken and good to the children." The neighbour protests: "But John's 57, 5ft 9in, paunchy, balding, gobby and mean to your children!" Anne replies, "Yeah, but who wants that ****er back?"

Tags: John Darwin,

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