If ever there was a reason that shows that there are far to many fucking people employed in non jobs, pushing paperclips around and having to dream up ever more ways to justify their pay-check each month then this is it. The only thing that this has going to for it is that it was a private company, rather than the nanny state using our money. And so The idiot's guide to catching a bus is here.
According to Stagecoach, which has created the step-by-step manual, a large proportion of Britain’s population are now so used to traveling by car that they have become scared of buses.
In order to encourage use of public transport, the firm has come up with the “Using the Bus” guide which sets out the most basic information possible.
The guide begins reassuringly with: “Using the bus could not be easier.”
It goes on to warn that passengers should “first of all decide on what bus you need” and once the right bus has been spotted, with the “number and destination on the front”, one should then “signal for the driver to stop.”
Those standing while seats are available are told: “Please feel free to use the fold-down seats.”
The guide even goes as far as setting out procedures for disembarking and says: “When you want to get off, press the bell once. For your safety we recommend you remain seated until the bus has arrived at the stop.”
The guide continues: “Wait until the bus is stopped and the doors are fully opened and step on board.”
Jesus-H-fucking-Christ, what the hell is Stagecoach thinking? If anyone is that stupid that they need this, then they are most likely to be ending up in the Darwin Awards.Steven Stewart, from Stagecoach, said: “If we look back 30 or 40 years, catching a bus was part of our daily routine from when we were children.
“Our guide is not designed to be patronising, it’s just answering questions that cause fear and uncertainty when people are thinking of getting a bus.”
Well yes it is patronizing, we get enough of that sort of bullshit off the state without private companies thinking that they need to nanny us as well. What I would advise Stagecoach if they are that concerned about customers is to employ a few more cleaners to tidy up their buses. I find public transport, and Stagecoach buses in particular to be crowded, smelly, dirty and something that I avoid unless I really have to use it.
2 people have spoken:
Does it go into why busses are always late? That waiting at a stop for fucking hours can be entertaining as you watch all the busses in the opposite direction sail past? No? Perhaps that's in the next one.
I think they leave that to the directors to explain how they can cut services - like they have down here in South Wales - an yet the service has been improved!
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