Gordon the vandal. Dispatch Box vandalised...

I bet the bastard is not going to stump up the cost out of his wages?

...During a recent examination they noticed that the beautifully-carved government Dispatch Box was covered in strange black pen marks. At the next Prime Ministers Questions they stood watch, and caught the culprit in the act.

As Gordon Brown gesticulated wildly with his black marker pen, stabbing at the papers in front of him and missing to hit the wood beneath, the awful truth was clear. The PM was the vandal.

The damage is such that the French polishers have been unable to remove many of the deep markings, which can be clearly seen all over the wood.

An official explained: “Of course we can’t say anything. But if he goes on doing it, it is going to be harder and harder to get off.”

Maybe he should be a bit more fucking careful with his pen in future.

An MP close to Mr Brown said: “Gordon is known as Zorro for getting his sweeping black pen everywhere, but I’m sure he’ll take greater care around the nation’s artefacts now he has been warned.”

Known as Zorro, known as a lot of things and Zorro is not top of the list. It could be his lack of depth perception that is the fault here, causing his pen to hit wood...

The boxes were a gift from New Zealand after the rebuilding of the House of Commons following the Second World War. The are modelled on the dispatch boxes in the Australian parliament and are made from a strong, teak-like wood from the rare Puriri tree and were thought to be almost indestructible.

The wood they are made from was used by the early settlers in New Zealand for fencing as they considered it particularly long-lasting and durable. But the settlers never had to contend with the black marker pen of Mr Brown.

What a cunt.

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