That cyclops speech.

The full speech by unelected PM James "Cyclops" Brown, or is you prefer play wankword/BS  bingo.
And cue ol one eye:

I want to talk with you today about who I am (a cunt), what I believe, what I am determined to lead this party and this great country to achieve.

As we gather here today I know people have real concerns about the future of the country, the future of the economy and people in this hall have concerns about the future of our party too.

Yes, and those concerned people want you my one eye'd friend to fuck off asap.

And so I want to answer your questions directly, to talk with you about how amidst all the present difficulties we should be more confident than ever that we can build what I want to talk to you about today. A new settlement for new times. A fair Britain for the new age.

Well its only taken 11 years, so a new start after 11 years. Wow.

But let me start with something I hope you know already. - If your going to admit to being a cunt then no surprise.

I didn't come into politics to be a celebrity or thinking I'd always be popular. Perhaps, that's just as well. No, 25 years ago I asked the people of Fife to send me to parliament to serve the country I love.

And I didn't come to London because I wanted to join the establishment, but because I wanted and want to change it.

By change do you mean fuck up, put billions into PFI and piss away our pensions?

So I'm not going to try to be something I'm not. - Human? Straight, not gay?

And if people say I'm too serious, quite honestly there's a lot to be serious about - I'm serious about doing a serious job for all the people of this country. - Serious about doing a serious job, what sort of talk is that?

What angers me and inspires me to act is when people are treated unfairly.

So when people share with me stories about the hard time they're having with bills, I want to help, because I was brought up seeing my parents having to juggle their budget like the rest of us.

Now as an MP that is not strictly true is it. After all what with the 400 quid a month food allowance, 2nd home allowance and allowances for all other bits you are hardly in the same boat as my self and most others in this nation.

And when I talk to parents about schools, I'm determined that every child should have a good school, because while I got my break in a great local secondary, not all my friends got the chance to get on.

Declining school standards over the last 11 years, a great legacy there cyclops.

And when I speak to victims of crime I get angry - because like them I know the difference between right and wrong.

Human rights act, that needs to go.

And so here I am - working for this incredible country, while trying as far as possible to give my children an ordinary childhood. Some people have been asking why I haven't served my children up for spreads in the papers. And my answer is simple. My children aren't props; they're people.

So would that be why they have been plastered across the BBC and other papers, as they are not props....

And where I've made mistakes I'll put my hand up and try to put them right. So what happened with 10p stung me because it really hurt that suddenly people felt I wasn't on the side of people on middle and modest incomes - because on the side of hard-working families is the only place I've ever wanted to be. And from now on it's the only place I ever will be.

Wank, you got caught out attempting to fuck over the poorest in our society and had to backtrack you cunt. Fucking hell man you denied there was any problem about the 10p abolition for a year.

And so I want to give the people of this country an unconditional assurance - no ifs, no buts, no small print - my unwavering focus is taking this country through the challenging economic circumstances we face and building the fair society of the future.

The British people would not forgive us if at this time we looked inwards to the affairs of just our party when our duty is to the interests of our country.

Ferrets fighting in a sack, Labour MP's looking for the best interests of their seats after the next election.

The people of Britain would never forget if we failed to put them first - and friends, they'd be right.

We havent forgotten and you did fail to put us first.

And because this is a time of greater than ever change around us, it must be a time of higher ambition from us. And because the world of 2008 is now so different from the world of 1997 I want to talk about the new settlement we must build for these new times.

You know, each generation believes it is living through changes their parents could never have imagined - but the collapse of banks, the credit crunch, the trebling of oil prices, the speed of technology, and the rise of Asia - nobody now can be in any doubt that we are in a different world and it's now a global age.

So its now a global age, unlike the global crash of 1929?

In truth, we haven't seen anything this big since the industrial revolution. This last week will be studied by our children - as the week the world was spun on its axis - and old certainties were turned on their heads.

And in these uncertain times, we must be, we will be, the rock of stability and fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech)  upon which people stand.

And friends, it's a calling that summons us because in every time of profound change those with great wealth and privilege have always been able to look after themselves.

Yes, they have in the main done their best to clear out of the UK....

But our duty, what gives us moral purpose, is serving the people who need us most- Britain's vast majority - people on middle and modest incomes who need to know that they are not on their own amidst this change - we are on their side.

On their side how exactly? Specifics dear boy not flannel.

Where there are new risks and new pressures our duty is and will be security for all. And where there are new opportunities, our duty is and will be fair chances for everyone matched by fair rules applied to everyone.

And insuring people against the new risks and empowering people with new opportunities is the mission of the hour. And those who say that governments should walk away when people face these risks and need these opportunities will be judged to be on the wrong side of history.

And when the country is asking their government to meet these new challenges I say to our opponents: those who don't believe in the potential of government shouldn't be trusted to form one.

So how the trusting of people to have a voice, like say a vote on Europe as promised by your own party before the last election, or is that something you have put on the blind side Gordon? Out of sight out of mind?

So this is a defining moment for us - a test not just of our judgment but of our values. Today once again we are called to apply our enduring beliefs to completely new conditions.

New Labour has always been at its best when we have applied our values to changing times. In the 1990s Tony and I asked you to change policy to meet new challenges.

Are yes, the shit that was "Cool Britannia."

We are and will always be a pro-enterprise, pro-business and pro-competition government. And we believe the dynamism of our five million businesses large and small is vital to the success of our country.

WTF? 3000+ rules on the statue books and over 100+stealth taxes and you have the nerve to claim to be pro-business.

But the continuing market turbulence shows why we now need a new settlement for these times - a settlement that we as a pro-market party must pursue.

A settlement where the rewards are for what really matters - hard work, effort and enterprise.

So how about cutting back on some of the 99billion wasted by government a year?

A settlement where both markets and government are seen to be the servants of the people, and never their masters,

Where what counts is not the pursuit of any sectional interest but the advancement of the public interest - and where at all times we put people first.

Let us be clear the modern role of government is not to provide everything, but it must be to enable everyone.

And just as we know that governments cannot and should not do everything, so too we know markets cannot deliver it all on their own.

And just as those who supported the dogma of big government were proved wrong, so too those who argue for the dogma of unbridled free market forces have been proved wrong.

Yet time and time again your party go's for that very dogma of big government, non jobs created to push around ever expanding piles of government stats to be read by other non jobs.

And so it falls to this party and to this government, with its commitment both to fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) and to business, to propose and deliver what after recent events everyone should now be willing to accept - that we do all it takes to stabilise the still turbulent financial markets and then in the months ahead we rebuild the world financial system around clear principles. And friends the work begins tomorrow.

I and then Alistair will meet financial and government leaders in New York to make these proposals:

The markets will resolve themselves, they have before and will again.

First, transparency(we have a bingo hit) - all transactions need to be transparent(we have a bingo hit) and not hidden.

Second, sound banking, a requirement to demonstrate that risks can be managed and priced for bad times as well as good.

Third, responsibility(we have a bingo hit) - no member of a bank's board should be able to say they did not understand the risks they were running and walk away from them.

Fourth, integrity - removing conflicts of interest so that bonuses should not be based on short term speculative deals but on hard work, effort and enterprise.

Can I mention Northern Rock, the bank where no one has been held to account, where utter failure is the way things are run and LTsb were not good enough to buy it then, but now are good enough to get HBos?

I know that the British people think it's hard work, effort and enterprise we need to reward.

And fifth, global standards and supervision because the flows of capital are global, then supervision can no longer just be national but has to be global.

And if we make these changes I believe London will retain its rightful place as the financial centre of the world.

Not for long, what with the freer markets of the rising tiger economies of Asia.

And we know that the challenges we face in this new global age didn't begin in the last week, or in the last months, but in fact reflect deeper changes in our world. For all its benefits, the global age has revealed not just financial instability but another major pressure - a rising global population demanding more energy.

So the new settlement also requires another great and historic endeavour to end the dictatorship of oil and to avert catastrophic climate change, a transformation in our use of energy. New nuclear power, an unprecedented increase in renewables and investment in clean coal.

Right and so why have you done nothing for 11 fucking years to wean us off of Saudi oil, instead you went to Saudi Arabia to play the good dhimmi and ended up looking like a one eye'd Oliver hands out asking for more.

And I am asking the climate change committee to report by October on the case for, by 2050 not a 60% reduction in our carbon emissions, but an 80% cut - and I want British companies and British workers to seize the opportunity and lead the world in the transformation to a low carbon economy and I believe that we can create in modern green manufacturing and service one million new jobs.

More state jobs, more state interference and more taxes.

And it's not just our duty but our basic philosophy that we do everything we can to help families through the world downturn. And while the Conservatives did nothing to help people with their gas and electricity bills in the last world downturn(we have a bingo hit) , this winter, millions of people will receive the help with heating bills, insulation, social tariffs - help they never received from the Conservatives.

And if like me and so so many others you are no dependent on the state it is a massive fuck you.

But you know, when it comes to public spending you can't just wave a magic wand to conjure up the money - not even with help from Harry Potter. - Although a million quid from a misguided woman does help?

And so there are tough choices and I have to say that as a result of the events of recent weeks there are going to be tougher choices we will have to make and priorities we will have to choose. And just as families have to make economies to make ends meet, so this government must and will ensure that we get value for money out of every single pound of your money that is spent. But I say to you that we will invest it wisely, continuing our record investment in schools, Sure Start centres, transport and hospitals.

So more monies pissed away on PFI if I read you right there Gordon...

And if we make the right decisions to take people through the world downturn fairly we will find that, despite the current troubles, British firms and British workers can reap the rewards of a world economy set to double in size.

With Britain's great assets - our stability, our openness, our scientific genius, our creative industries, and yes our English language - I know that this can be a British century and I'm determined it will be.

I  know that this can be a British century and I'm determined it will be, sounds like his British jobs for British workers speech.

But my argument today is that the new settlement for the global age must do even more to empower people with new opportunities insure people against new risks and as a result value hard work effort and enterprise. It's the economy that's been making the headlines, but there are other big changes too.

People feel their communities are changing before their eyes and it's increasing their anxiety about crime and anti-social behaviour. And so we will be the party of law and order.

Oh where to start, failed on prisons, the dire human rights act, open door to terrorists and mullahs of hate. Al Quada members walking the streets of London, you the party of law and order don't make me laugh. The party of the ASBO, the party of PCSO wankers, petty regulations and bullshit.

And for the first time ever we've got more British pensioners than British children - more people living longer on fixed incomes and worried about whether they'll need long term care. And so we will be the party that will ensure security and dignity for pensioners.

My arse.

And there are new pressures on parents - worrying about balancing work and family life but also about advertising aimed straight at their children and what their children are watching or downloading from the internet. And so we will be the party of the family.

So are you bringing back a married mans tax allowance?....

And so the new settlement for our times show how Britain can meet all these challenges too and its more than about a fair prosperity - it must be about fair chances and fair rules too.

You know some people say that there's an inevitable political cycle in this country - as sure as night follows day. I don't agree. The challenge of these new times demands a truly progressive government to help people cope with the new risks and make the most of the new opportunities. That's why I believe that now more than ever - even more than in 1997- this country needs a Labour government.

Needs a Labour government like a hole in the head.

You know to govern is to choose - and it's what a government chooses to do when it's tested that demonstrates its priorities and reveals its heart.

It is not the arithmetic of statistics but the fabric of people's lives.

The fabric you have torn up, our traditions mocked our customs thrown aside for those of alien barbarians on benefits who hopefully will vote Labour.

When we talk about three million more people in work since 1997 - that's not just a number, that's a life that's been changed - three million times over. That's the young woman laid off in the mid 90's who's now built a booming business of her own. Three million new jobs not by accident, but by our actions. And in the years to come we will demonstrate again that real power of Labour to change lives.

And the 1 in 5 on long term sick in Merthyr Tydfil? No comment on that and our sick note culture.

And when we talk about the one million small and medium-sized businesses set up in the last eleven years, that's not just a number - that's the entrepreneur who can treat her parents to a summer holiday, and the local businessman who's taken on two local teenagers as apprentices. One million new businesses demonstrating yet again the real power of Labour to change lives.

And when we talk about one million people benefiting from new Labour's minimum wage that's not just a number - that's a dad doing security shifts who can now afford a birthday party for his child and it's a mum who doesn't have to go to a loan shark to pay for her kids' Christmas. One million people freed from exploitation- and now the minimum wage rising year on year - that's the real power of Labour to change lives.

Jobs outsourced, wages kept down by migrants flooding in. Oh yes the joys of your socialist paradise...

And when we talk about the 240,000 lives that are saved by the progress Labour's NHS 

**What the fucking fuck is this cunt on? Crack? It is not Labour's NHS any more than it is my NHS or anyone elses NHS. It belongs to the state and these cunts are fucking it up, the cunt.

has made in fighting cancer and heart disease, that's not just a number - that's the dad who lives to walk his daughter up the aisle and the gran who is there to clap and cry at her grandson's graduation. 240,000 families still together - and now thousands more with new and better treatments from an expanding NHS -- we're changing the world the only way it can ever really change - one life, one family, one hope at a time. That's the real power of Labour to change lives.

Drugs rationed, no co-opting of treatment leading to deaths, MRSA, C-Diff and thousands of state penpushers in the NHS.

And why do we always strive for fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech)?

Not because it makes good soundbites.

Not because it gives good photo opportunities.

Not because it makes for good P.R.

No.

We do it because fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) is in our DNA. - The DNA database a huge state control machine set up by your lot.

It's who we are - and what we're for.

It's why Labour exists.

It's our first instinct, the soul of our party.

It's why when things get tough, we get tougher. We stand up, we fight hard - for fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech). We don't give in, and we never will.

Fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech), so you one eye'd cuntbubble quite how is charging drivers that are stuck in traffic jams £20 if they leave their engines on fair?...

For me fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) is treating others how we would be treated ourselves. So it isn't levelling down but empowering people to aspire and reach ever higher. And to take advantage of all the opportunities of the global economy I want to unleash a new wave of rising social mobility across our country.

For too long we've developed only some of the talents of some people - but the modern route to social mobility is developing all the talents of all the people....helping those who are working their way up from very little and lifting up those in the middle who want to get on. It means supporting what really matters - hard work and effort and enterprise. This is not just the new economic necessity, it is the modern test of social justice and the radical centre ground we occupy and will expand.

And fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) is why Harriet is introducing the first ever equalities bill. And let me thank her for her tireless work as deputy party leader.

Fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) is why Ed Miliband is ensuring that community and third sector organisations can play their proper part in every neighbourhood.

Yawn........More non jobs and regulations.

And it is why our whole party is leading the fight against the British National Party.

They get more votes than us.

Fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) is why John Denham is extending university access, why Ruth Kelly has introduced for the first time free bus travel for pensioners and why John Hutton and our Labour Members of the European Parliament but are fighting to free agency workers from the scourge of exploitation.

Free bus passes, no you fucking cock they are not free. The cost is moved from pensioner to taxpayer. Fucking hell this cunt is thick.

But fairness(mentioned 22 fucking times in this steaming pile of piss of a cunting speech) for the future also means a big change that I want to explain today. We have always stood for public services that are universal, available to all. Now we must stand for public services that are not only available to all, but personal to each.

For me, the fairer future starts with putting children first -(as opposed to second) with the biggest investment in children this country has ever seen. It means delivering the best possible start in life with services tailored to the needs of every single precious child.

Cue a Littlejohn moment, won't someone think of the "Baybeeeeeeeeees"....

In 1997 there were no Sure Start centres and nursery education for only the few. Today, thanks to the work of Beverley Hughes there are children's centres opening in every community to serve 3 million children who a few years ago had nothing, and free nursery education for every three and four year old.

But our ambitions must be greater still. I want Britain to take its place among the leading nations in pre-school services, and so I pledge here today in Manchester starting in over 30 communities, and then over 60, we will, stage by stage, extend free nursery places for two year olds for every parent who wants them in every part of the country backed by high quality, affordable childcare for all.

Fucking hellski, look its not free you cock. Basic economic rule 1. Everything has a cost. The cost will be on the taxpayers. Cunt.

That's the fairness parents want - and that's the fairness every Labour party member will go out and fight for.

And because child poverty demeans Britain, we have committed our party to tackle and to end it. The measures we have taken this year alone will help lift two hundred and fifty thousand children out of poverty. The economic times are tough of course that makes things harder- but we are in this for the long haul - the complete elimination of child poverty by 2020. And so today I announce my intention to introduce ground-breaking legislation to enshrine in law Labour's pledge to end child poverty.

Child poverty that has soared and soared on your watch. Condemed by the UN, slated by child poverty charities, still at least he avoided the lie he used before of a million children lifted out of poverty.

And Ed Balls and I will never excuse, explain away or tolerate low standards in education. So we will keep up the pace of reform: more academies, trust and specialist schools, more of the brightest and best graduates becoming teachers, more investment in building schools for the future - state of the art schools for world class schooling.

Fairness demands nothing less than excellence in every school, for every child. So today I guarantee to parents two fundamental rights:

Because every child should leave primary school able to read, write and count, any child who falls behind will not be left behind - but will now have a new guaranteed right to personal catch up tuition.

And because all parents should see their children taught in schools which achieve good results at GCSE, our pledge today is that any parents whose local state school falls below the expected standard will have the right to see that school transformed under wholly new leadership, or closed and new school places provided.

More state paperwork, soundbites and spin. Local education authorities will fight any move to reduce their power tooth and nail.

And we want to enable all families to use the internet to link back to their children's school - and so Jim Knight is announcing that we will fund over a million extra families to get online, on the way to our ambition of Britain leading the world with more of our people than any other major economy able to access the internet and broadband.

Covered this elsewhere, we pay for the feckless the indolent and lazy.

And now as we celebrate the 60th anniversary of the NHS let me on behalf of all of us here, and all the people of the country - thank all the NHS staff - the cooks and cleaners, the paramedics and porters, the doctors and midwives and nurses.
You have served our country and served a great ideal - the principle that in a fair society health-care should not be a commodity to be bought by some but a right to be enjoyed by all.

Labour is the party of the NHS - we created it, we saved it, we value it and we always will support it.

In a word bollocks.

And you know already that for me, this isn't a political agenda but a personal mission. Last year in Bournemouth I told you how when I was 16, I got injured playing rugby and lost the sight forever in my left eye. I knew I couldn't play football or rugby anymore. But I could still read.

But what I didn't tell you last year was that then one morning I woke up and realised my sight was going in my good eye. I had another operation and lay in the darkness for days on end. At that point my future was books on tape.

No its just to easy to take the piss, shall pass on that.

But thanks to the NHS, my sight was saved by care my parents could never have afforded. And so it's precisely because I know and have heard from others about the miraculous difference a great surgeon and great nurses and great care can make that I'm so passionate about the values of the NHS and so committed to reforming it to serve these values even better.

That's why in just one year in the fight against hospital infections, we have doubled the number of matrons and achieved a 36 percent reduction in MRSA.
And let us remember what a Labour government has now achieved: the lowest ever waiting times in the whole history of the NHS.
And now to respond to new times and higher aspirations we want to make the National Health Service more personal to people's needs - patients more involved in their own health care with more choice and more control than ever before.

And I've always found it unfair that we cannot offer on the NHS the comprehensive services that private patients can afford to buy. And so in April a Labour Britain will become the first country in the whole world to offer free universal check ups for everyone over 40.

Again the use of the word "free" - its not. 

And I say that there is no vested interest, no matter how powerful, that we are not prepared to take on when change is needed for the sake of the nation's health.
We have already made it easier for busy families to go to the doctor. Whilst a year ago only 1 in 10 patients had access to GPs at weekends and in the evening. Now almost half of all practices are open and by the end of next year the majority will be open even longer.

And today I want to show how this government will pursue what I believe to be one of the noblest and boldest contributions of this country to our shared human fortunes.

Since the war nearly one third of Britain's Nobel prizes have been for our genius in medicine. We should now aspire to stretch the boundaries of human knowledge and human health ever further.

I want Britain to lead the world in beating the diseases which cause so much heartbreak for families. Over the last few years we've made major breakthroughs in research relevant to cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and strokes and many more.

But these are yet to be turned into treatments from, which we can all benefit from. And so let me tell you today that the unprecedented 15 billion pounds we are investing in medical research will be directed to turning the major advances of the last few years into actual treatments and cures for NHS patients.

Over the next decade we can lead the way in beating cancer and other diseases(Anyone watch the West Wing? Check out this.

BARTLET: So I ask you, why shouldn't I stand up and say we are going to cure cancer in ten years?

Silence in the room. No one responds.

BARTLET [CONT.]

I'm really asking.

JOSH Well, how close are we to really being able to do this?

BARTLET Nobody knows.

JOSH Then...

BARTLET Toby.

TOBY It'll be seen as a political ploy.

Oh yes a ploy indeed - a great endeavour worthy of a great country: proud because we have a health service focused on 21st century needs.

A NHS that is available to all and personal to each means meeting another challenge of the future: offering, for the first time, every patient with a long term condition their own care plan.

But alongside new patient responsibilities(we have a bingo hit) will be new rights. And because we know that almost every British family has been touched by cancer, Alan Johnson and I know we must do more to relieve the financial worry that so often goes alongside the heartache. And so I can announce today for those in our nation battling cancer from next year you will not pay prescription charges.

Yes you do, just the cost is spread out - remember nothing is free not even is Gordon land.

And this is not the limit of our commitment to a fair NHS in a fair society. As over the next few years the NHS generates cash savings in its drugs budget we will plough savings back into abolishing charges for all patients with long-term conditions. That's the fairness patients want and the fairness every Labour party member will go out and fight for.

And in a fair society the fact that older people are living longer should be a blessing for their families not a burden. We are committed to linking pensions to earnings.

After 11 years of not doing so. 

And I am proud that we will now be implementing for the first time equality for women in their retirement.

After 11 years of not doing so.

No-one should live in fear of their old age because they worry their social care will impose financial burdens they could never afford to face and that the minute they need care puts the family home at risk.

The generation that rebuilt Britain from the ashes of the war deserves better and so I can tell you today that Alan Johnson and I will also bring forward new plans to help people to stay longer in their own homes and provide greater protection against the costs of care - dignity and hope for everyone in their later years.

That's the fairness older people deserve - and the fairness every Labour party member will go out and fight for.

So when people say in these tough times there's nothing we can do, there's nothing higher to aim for, no great causes left worth fighting for, my reply is our ideas are the ideas that will realise the hopes of families for a better future. Providing free nursery care for more children who need it is a cause worth fighting for.

He likes that word free, look you one eye'd cockmaster nothing is free. All of them places for the (Littlejohn moment) "Baybeeeeeees" have to paid for, be it credits or tax we shall all pay for the lifestyles of those who want children.

Providing better social care for older people who need it is a cause worth fighting for. Delivering excellence in every single school is a cause worth fighting for. Universal check-ups and new help to fight cancer - these are all causes worth fighting for. This is the future we're fighting for.

And in this world of vast economic and social change, new opportunity for all must be matched with a new responsibility(we have a bingo hit) from all. Our aim is a something for something, nothing for nothing Britain. A Britain of fair chances for all, and fair rules applied to all.

So our policy is that everyone who can work, must work. That's why James Purnell has introduced reforms so that apart from genuine cases of illness, the dole is only for those looking for work or actively preparing for it. That's only fair to the people pulling their weight.

And let me be clear about the new Labour policy on crime; taking action on the causes of crime will never mean indulging those who perpetrate it. Fairness demands that we both punish and prevent.

Whilst an Al-Quada member walks free as a fucking bird on the streets of the UK. Fuck you in the eye socket you cunt.

Jacqui Smith and Jack Straw are introducing a landmark reform in our justice system - to put victims first. In consultation with victim support we will create an independent commissioner who will stand up for victims, witnesses and families - the people the courts and police exist to serve. And Damilola Taylor's father Richard is with is here today.

Oh do fuck off with play the father of the dead child routine, its your tinkering with the courts and massaging of fiugures that has led to the piss poor situation we have. Oh and how about paying the police their wage increase....

He's an inspiring example of the determination to see some good come out of personal tragedy. Last weekend he led thousands on a march through our capital, sending a united message. We will take the knives off our streets.

And justice seen is justice done - so you will be seeing more neighbourhood policing on the street, hearing more about the verdicts of the court, able to see the people who offended doing community payback which will be what it says; hard work for the public benefit at the places and times the public can see it. That's only fair to the law abiding majority.

Fuck neighbourhood policing, jail time for feral scum is what reduces crime or is New Labour only good at killing Brazillians?...

Nobody in Britain should get to take more out of the system than they are willing to put in. I am proud that Britain will honour our obligations to provide refuge from persecution. And we recognise the contribution that migrants make to our economy and our society, but the other side of welcoming newcomers who can help Britain is being tough about excluding those adults who won't and can't. That's why we have introduced the Australian-style points-based system, the citizenship test, the English language test and we will introduce a migrant charge for public services.

And of the millions who came here hanging onto the bottom of Eurostar he says nothing....

That's only fair to the public who play by the rules and to the new citizens who uphold the rules.

So across the board, we will create rules that reward those who play by them and punish those who don't. That's what fairness means to me.

So quite when is Abu Hamza off to the good ol US of A then cyclops?...

You know our party so often in its history has been home to the big ideas - ideas later taken for granted, but revolutionary in their time. Just think, the vote for working men, and then for women, the NHS, legal protection from race or sex discrimination. These are no longer just Labour policies, they are established British values - they are the common sense of our age.

And we should never forget one thing - that every single blow we have struck for fairness and for the future has been opposed by the Conservatives.

And I counter that they were not just Labour policies you cunt but in the main cross party policies, oh and what of illiberal ID cards, DNA databases, PCSO's walking the streets harrasing people acting like NAZI cunts, petty bin laws and statist cunts filling councils the length of the land.

And just think where our country would be if we'd listened to them. No paternity leave, no New Deal, no bank of England independence, no Sure Start, no devolution, no civil partnerships, no minimum wage, no new investment in the NHS, no new nurses, no new police, no new schools.

**From burning our money - some points on Gordons shit:

• Paternity leave and the minimum wage - these are part of Labour's mega-package oflabour market regulation, which has imposed such heavy additional costs on British employers. Even during the good times they have had a seriously damaging effect on employment in depressed low productivity areas like Dewsbury (see this blog), and in low-wage occupations like agriculture, cleaning, catering where "protected" domestic workers have been displaced by hundreds of thousands of unprotected black market immigrants. The problems are about to get much worse in the economic downturn.
• New Deal - As the Public Accounts Committee discovered last year, the government's welfare-to-work programme, the New Deal, has been a hugely expensive fiasco (eg see this blog). Despite costing us some £6bn, we still have 4.2m people of working age living in workless households, the vast majority of whom are supported by taxpayers, costing us an estimated £12.7bn pa, including £3.4bn pa on benefits for lone parents (source: NAO Report). That's equivalent to nearly 4 pence on the standard rate of income tax. And most of the individual New Deal programmes cost taxpayers far more than simply continuing to pay the benefits - one especially daft programme costs an eye-watering £76,540 per job.
• Bank of England independence - as we've blogged many times, BoE independence in terms of monetary policy is A Good Thing, and the Tories should have done it when we crashed out of the ERM. But the way that Labour - and more specifically, Gordo himself - actually implemented independence, has been An Unmitigated Disaster. For reasons known only to themseleves, they packaged independence with stripping the Bank of prime responsibility for bank oversight, and transferred it to the half-baked low-skill FSA. The new arrangements have been slammed by everyone, including the Labour dominated Treasury Select Committee (eg see this blog). They will cost us billions.
• Sure Start - frankly it's baffling that Gordo still mentions this £5bn+ fiasco, when everyoneincluding Blair admits it has totally failed. It has not helped the bottom-of-the-heap kids it was designed for, but has mainly gone to better-off families who didn't need the help (eg see this blog). Presumably there are now so many public sector jobs dependent on it, Labour will just keep it going.
• Devolution - this is another crippling fiasco. As we've noted many times (see here for all Scotland blogs), by devolving spending authority without devolving tax-raising responsibility, Labour has given us the worst of all worlds. English taxpayers are increasingly resentful of Scotland's higher public spending allocations, and the Union is under threat as never before.
• Civil partnerships - hurrah! One item on Gordo's list that he actually can boast about. But let's not get carried away - after a flurry during their first year, the number of civil partnerships halved last year to just 8,728.
• Minimum wage - see above
• Investment in the NHS - first, let's revert to calling it spending on the NHS, shall we. And yes, Labour has massively increased spending - it's almost tripled since 1997-98, a 70%+ increase in real terms. But the results have been dismal. We still lag Europe on most measures of health outcomes (like cancer survivorship), and according to the Office for National Statistics, NHS productivity has been falling by 2-2.5% pa (see this blog).
• Nurses - yes nurse numbers have increased - from 320,000 in 1997 to just under 400,000 now. But there are increasing doubts about the way nurses are used, from "too posh to wash", through to the amount of admin work now landed on them, through to the nurse quacktitioners supplanting doctors. Moreover, during the giant recruitment splurge earlier this decade, many overseas nurses were employed, some of whom lack the necessary language skills, and who subsequently blocked the recruitment of newly and expensively trained British nurses. And because of vast over-recruitment, nurse numbers have actually fallen since 2005. In reality, it's another expensive shambles (see many previous posts, eg here).
• Police - yes again, numbers have increased - from 127,000 in 1997 to 140,500 now. But when the Home Affairs Select Committee probed this last year, they pointed out that police numbers had increased far less than police budgets - only one-quarter as much - and they reported a depressing catalogue of inefficiency and mind-boggling paper mountains. Police on the beat, it ain't.
• New Schools - yes, Labour has spent a packet of our money on new school buildings - many funded via over-priced PFI contracts. Moreover, they are planning to spend a further£50-70bn over the next decade in a crazed binge to rebuild 3,500 secondaries and half our primary schools (see this blog). But of course, what matters is not the school buildings, but what happens in them, and on that we have endured another decade of dumbing down and social engineering. Among other things, A Levels are now two whole grades easier (see this blog), and we have crashed down the OECD league table of educational achievement (seesee this blog).

No billions pissed away on domes, peerages for favours, sleaze, backhanders and graft by the billion to Labour funders...

And so let's hear no more from the Conservatives - we did fix the roof while the sun was shining

No lets here more of your waste you fucking one eye'd cuntbubble...

And just think if we'd taken their advice on the global financial crisis. Their policy was to let northern rock fold and imperil the whole financial system, our Labour government saved northern rock so not a single UK depositor lost out.

And it cost the rest of us billions you twat.

Their policy said, in this week of all weeks, that speculative short selling should continue. We acted decisively to end reckless speculation.

And the conservative policy would mean that at this very moment, there would be no regulation at all to protect homeowners. We are the party of protecting of homeowners rights.

Wank.

Do you know what their Shadow Chancellor really said? In the week that banks were collapsing the man who wants to run our economy not only said: this is not a problem caused by the financial markets but went on to say and, I quote, "that it's a function of financial markets that people make loads of money out of the misery of others."

Just imagine where we'd be if they'd been in a position to implement their beliefs - no rescue of Northern Rock, no action on speculation, no protection for mortgages, doing nothing to stop banks going under.

What has become clear is that Britain cannot trust the Conservatives to run the economy.

And your sucess is what? PFI? Oh go fuck yourself.

Everyone knows that I'm all in favour of apprenticeships, but let me tell you this is no time for a novice.

Thats you told Miliband...

But I believe in giving credit where it's due. The Conservative leader's team are smart - they've got a plan, and they are implementing it ruthlessly.

Their strategy is to change their appearance, to give the appearance of change, and to conceal what they really think.
And when salesmen won't tell you what they are selling, it's because they are selling something no-one should buy.

This from a man who promised a vote on Europe, oh please one eye go one, lets see what your mono gaze gives us...

But I'm a man for detail and I've discovered some clues about what would be in store in a Conservative Britain.

They want us to believe that, like us, they now care about public services. But when Mr Cameron actually talks to his party about their spending plans he says the difference between Labour and Tory levels of public investment will be "dramatic" and "fundamental".

They want to tell us we're all progressives now but the day that Hazel Blears and Caroline Flint were announcing a one billion pound package to support millions of homeowners, the Conservatives were confirming that their first tax priority is to take that one billion pounds from hard working families and hand it over to the 3,000 richest estates in Britain.

And they want to tell us they now believe in investing in education, but they are committed to slashing 4.5 billion from the schools building programme, axing the educational maintenance allowances that help poorer students stay on and opposing the raising the education leaving age to eighteen and stopping training programmes. And yes friends, they would even take away Sure Start from infants and their parents. One of our greatest gifts to the future - one of the first priorities for Tory cuts.

The Conservatives may want to represent the future, but whether its Europe or energy, planning or tax credits, university places or 42 days, whenever they are tested on substance they have nothing to offer to meet the big challenges of tomorrow, because they are prisoners of their past.

Unlike the socialist wankfest that has been this funeral speech of the Labour party.

If you look beneath the surface, you'll see that the Conservatives might have changed their tune, but they haven't changed their minds.

The Conservatives say our country is broken - but this country has never been broken by anyone or anything. This country wasn't broken by fascism, by the cold war, by terrorists(we have a bingo hit).

Of course there are problems, but this is a country being lifted up every day by the people who love it.

We've got 4 million people helping neighbourhood watch, 6 million sports volunteers and over 5 million people doing amazing work as carers.

And just as we celebrated our national triumph when we won the 2012 games for London, so too were Andy Burnham, Tessa Jowell and I, along with all of you, filled with pride this summer as our Olympic and Paralympics heroes showed British brilliance at its best.

That's why for all the challenges, I don't believe Britain is broken - I think it's the best country in the world. I believe in Britain.

So no mention of Cool Britannia then? Strange no mention of British jobs for British workers...

And stronger together as England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland we can make our United Kingdom even better.

And ours is a country full of heroes.

And we pay special tribute to the heroism of our armed forces, as Des Browne said yesterday - to their service and sacrifice in Iraq and in Afghanistan and in peacekeeping missions around the globe. Quite simply the best armed forces in the world.

Where soldiers who lose limbs get less payout than a secretary in a back office, short of kit, poorly paid, slum housing, I could go on but Labours treatment of soldiers and armed forces people is well known. Oh and the treatment of the Ghurka's is a fucking discgrace you one eye'd bastard.

The whole lesson of the new world I described earlier is that we must work together to meet the great shared challenges vital to our future.

And unlike the Conservatives who are extremists and isolationists on Europe, we will work with our partners in the European Union and we will work with America not just to deal with the immediate security challenges in Georgia and in Iran.

With Miliband a man who lacked the balls to keep a fucking holy bullock, we are just so fucked with you cunts at the helm...

And I tell you that what we do together for the poor and vulnerable is an act of compassion, but it is more than that. It is what will determine whether this new global society succeeds or fails.
And David Miliband, Douglas Alexander and I will do everything in our power to bring justice and democracy, to Burma, to Zimbabwe and to Darfur. 

- Chicken Yoghurt had this to say: And then you see how many people have been sent back to Zimbabwe in the last five years. Look at government ministers fighting in the courts to send people back to Darfur. The Burmese dissidents having the door slammed in their faces.

Follow this with the line..."Once upon a time in a land far far away with regards New Labour and human rights..."

And I promise you I will work with other countries to bring a permanent settlement - a secure Israel and a viable Palestine - to deliver peace for the people of the Middle East. - But I thought Blair went off to do that?...

And this week at Britain's request the United Nations has summoned the leaders of the world to a special summit on what we know is a global poverty emergency.

You know, in the museum in Rwanda which commemorates the millions who lost their lives as the world looked the other way, there is a picture of a young boy called David - a ten year old who was tortured to death. His last words were "don't worry - the United Nations will come for us".

But we never did. That child believed the best of us only to discover that the pieties repeated so often meant in reality nothing at all. The words "never again" became just a slogan and not what it should be - the crucible in which are values are tested. I tell you, this Labour government will not allow the world to stand by as more than 20,000 children die today from diseases we know how to cure. We will not pass by as 100 million men, women and children face a winter of starvation.

So the poor will not go unheard tomorrow at the United Nations, because we the British people will speak up for them and for justice.

The fair society. Fairness at home. Fairness in the world - that's the new settlement for new times.

Bloody hell is that a re-mix of Martin Luther King, methinks so.

I know what I believe.

I know who I am.

I know what I want to do in this job.

And I know that the way to deal with tough times is to face them down.

Stay true to your beliefs.

One people, one leader, one Germany. I am sure I have heard something like that before....

Understand that all the attacks, all the polls, all the headlines, all the criticism, it's all worth it, if in doing this job I make life better for one child, one family, one community.

You have not, one one person is better off. Best get thy coat and fuck off one eye.

Because this job is not about me, it's about you.

Fuck off.

And I'll tell you what else I've learned - that tough times don't weaken the determination of people who believe in what they're doing but strengthen our resolve.

My resolve to see you gone has been strengthen, you cunt.

You know when I talk to the people who do the tough jobs - nurses, teachers, police officers, soldiers, carers - about why they do what they do, so often they say to me "because I want to make a difference".

And doesn't each of us want to say of ourselves:

That I helped someone in need.

That I come to the aid of a neighbour in distress.

That I will not pass by on the other side.

That I will give of myself for something bigger than myself.

Has he blagged himself a US script writer?

And each of us can make a contribution - but together we are even more than that.
United we are a great movement led by hopes not fears, gathered person by person - one individual, and then a few more, then hundreds, then thousands, then finally millions strong, a movement where I want each of us to say to each other:
This is our country, Britain. We are building it together, together we are making it greater;

One people, one destiny. How very (national) socialist.

Together we are building the fair society in this place and in this generation.

The mission of our times- the fair society, the cause that drives us on - and we will win, not for the sake of our party, together we will win for the future of our country.

If we'd listened to the Tories we'd never have had a £250bn increase in annual taxation; we'd never have had a £65bn increase in annual public sector borrowing; and we'd never have had an additional£300bn of national debt (let alone the £1.3 trillion of secret debt we've squirreled away in the public accounts).

Gordon Brown a man who makes me so angry I could punch his lights out

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