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Gordon Brown's new Cabinet enforcer has issued an astonishing 11-page document to civil servants spelling out exactly how they should treat him.
In a series of detailed instructions that would embarrass the most demanding showbiz diva, Cabinet Office Minister Liam Byrne tells officials precisely what types of coffee he likes, and just when the drink should be served; exactly how his office should be laid out, with papers arranged just so; and how his diary must be cleared by Thursday evening so he can return to his constituency home for the weekend.
The document, modestly entitled Working With Liam Byrne, reads like a script from the BBC’s political sitcom The Thick Of It about the farcical control-freakery of New Labour in power.
Mr Byrne’s list of do’s and don’ts declares: ‘Coffee/Lunch. I’m addicted to coffee. I like a cappuccino when I come in, an espresso at 3pm and soup at 12.30-1pm.
‘The room should be cleared before I arrive in the morning. I like the papers set out in the office before I get in. The white boards should be cleared.’
‘If I see things that are not of acceptable quality, I will blame you.’
On briefings for questions, he orders officials to tell him ‘not what you think I should know but you expect I will get asked’.
Mr Byrne, 38, even dictates what font size briefing notes should be in (a rather large 16 point), and insists that they should take up no more than one sheet of paper.
He also warns staff: ‘Never put anything to me unless you understand it and can explain it to me in 60 seconds,’ and he goes on: ‘I am often not very clear or my writing is illegible. If I’m in the middle of thinking about something, I might ask you to come back – don’t be put off by this.’
Byrne, who was last month promoted to the Cabinet, where he is responsible for co-ordinating Government departments, has a near obsession with manipulating the media.
He tells his officials: ‘We need to produce a grid . . . outlining [the] story of the week. Once something has been slotted into a grid, my expectation is it will be delivered. Moving something from a grid slot is a very, very big deal.’
**New Labour champagne socialist twats.
2 people have spoken:
Ever fancied going into the poisoned coffee business?
It's scenes from the Kremlin, under Comrade Stalin.
Are the cleaners shot at dawn if our one eyed dictator isn't satisfied that his room isn't spotless? -
There's nothing - not a damned thing - I can find, that is remotely human about this odious man.
Polonium would do the trick, the fucker would look better bald as well.
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