Labour party yap from 1996.

Hat tip to Not a sheep. Honest bloke an God botherer Tony Blair's 1996 speech to the Labour Party Conference was a classic Tony Blair speech.

This year, we meet as the Opposition. - And come the next election you will be so again.

Next year, the British people willing, an end to 18 years of Tories and we will meet as the new Labour government of Britain.

"A chance to serve, that is all we ask" - John Smith's final words from his final speech the night before he died.

We owe a debt of inspiration to John Smith. And a debt of honour to Neil Kinnock. I didn't begin New Labour. Neil did. I intend to repay them both in full.

All I ask is the chance to serve. - Myself, the banks who I work for 3 days a week and the oil companies loot Iraq.

At the time of the next election, there will be just 1000 days until the new millennium. 1000 days to prepare for a 1000 years. - Which will be about as long as it takes to pay of the sodding national debt, the toxic loans and Gordons wasted trillions...

I'll tell you: the best Deputy a Leader could have and if I'm fighting in the jungle there's nobody I'd rather have with me than John Prescott. - Ah the pleasant memorys of John chucking up in the toilet, shagging behind his wifes back and playing crocet...

Has there ever been a government in our history that has put itself before the British people with less to merit its re-election? - Well actually talking of elections exactly who voted for Gordon?

Just mouth the words: "Five more Tory years," and feel your senses and reason repulsed. - Just think of 5 more Labour years and your jobs gone abroad and your home repossessed.

The tax cutting Party that gave us the biggest tax rise in peacetime history. The law and order Party that doubled crime and gave us a Home Secretary in court more often than the people he's supposed to be locking up. - Er, actually you beat them hands down re tax rises, early release and no go areas in the inner cities.

The farmers' Party that gave us BSE. - Foot an mouth fisco, the fuckwittery of Shambo the holy bullock mishandled by that cock Miliband when he headed Defra.

The Party that set up the Scott Report, then when it found ministerial deceit just ignored it and would have got away with it but for the brilliance of Robin Cook. - Oh and when are we going to get a proper enquiry into Iraq?

And then Nolan. Cash for questions. And this morning, more revelations. -Cash for peerages, sleaze, expenses...

The Tories changed the law to let Mr Hamilton put his case.

We will change the law to make the Tories clean up their act.

To coin a phrase, we will be tough on sleaze and tough on the causes of sleaze. - Oh how we wish that was true, Jacqui Smith ring any sisters doorbells here?...

This Prime Minister so weak, so utterly incapable of stamping his authority on the Government he nominally leads that he has given birth to the first "ism" in politics to denote not the existence of a political philosophy but the absence of one. - A PM so weak that even the US President regards him as a joke.

Majorism: holding your Party together while your country falls apart. - Gordonomics - following the policies of Zanu PF in Zimbabwe, still we shall ask Jack Straw about that as he shook his hand...

I'll tell you when the real feelgood factor will arrive: when people say goodbye to this government for good. - Oh so right Tone, we long to see Gordon gone. Oh sorry you were talking about Tories.

The Tories never did have the best vision for Britain. They just took the best words. - Talking of which you became a byword for spin, hype, stats and more spin.

Freedom. Choice. Opportunity. - ID cards, regulations and taxes.

Aspiration and ambition. - Unemployment and national debt...

People judge us on their instincts about what they believe our instincts to be. - Self presevation, spin and lies.

The true radical mission of the Labour Party; new and old: is not to hold people back but to help them get on. - You mean on the dole?

Each generation doing better than the last. - Not any more.

Today we compete in the era of global markets. There is no future for Britain as a low wage, low skills, low tech economy. We compete on quality or not at all. This means a stable economy long term investment and the enterprise of the people set free. - Right so why does Kieth Best head of the Immigrant Quango call for more low skilled workers?

First get the fundamentals right. - After 12 years of failure.

Two recessions, one which wiped out a third of our manufacturing base. - An Labour finished the rest.

Borrowed their way into the record books. - Well done Gordon.

The pound devalued. - Yes Gordon has devalued it rather a lot.

North Sea Oil money gone. - Gold reserved flogged off.

Assets all sold and squandered. - See gold above and much more.

It's sometimes said the Tories are cruel but efficient. In fact, they are the most feckless, irresponsible and incompetent managers of the British economy in our history. - Are you sure? Millions of non jobs, PCSO's and aid to dictators.

Labour will be the Party of sound finance and good housekeeping. -BWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HAA HA HA HA HA

World interest rates and inflation rates are low. In Britain, under Labour we will keep them this way. - And pigs shall fly forth...

These will be defined targets set and kept to. Losing control of public finance isn't radical, It's just reckless. - Oh its brilliant, has Tone considered a career in comedy.

Gordon Brown is the Iron Chancellor. They say it's easier to get past security at our Conference without a pass, than get a spending commitment past Gordon. - Unless there a quango that needs setting up. Oh and quantitive easing...

And that's how it will stay. - Once upon a time.

We need a tax regime that is fair, and encourages work and business. -Over regulated, over complicated and costs more to collect than the US and most of the other European nations.

Sure, the few at the top have become wealthy under the Tories, but they have put up the taxes of ordinary families in Britain by the largest amount in peacetime history. We are not going to add to their burden. - Well I know a few million tax payers that would disagree.

Next, in this new world, many more people will be self-employed or in small business. We are going to help them. - I will give them the number of the local bancruptcy company...

We will give Britain a modern integrated transport network, built in partnership between public and private finance and restoring a unified system of railways with a publicly owned, publicly accountable BR at its core. -Can I mention the fuck up Prescott left us with...

Our options on a single currency should remain open, to be determined according to our national interest. Any change will only come with the full consent of the people. - Yes you have a good history of giving votes on charters, oh wait no you don't...

Ask me my three main priorities for Government, and I tell you: education, education and education. - Ed Balls, enough said. A dim witted buffoon unable to list the colours of a rainbow...

Huge costs of unemployment, crime, social decay. Higher taxes to pay for it. - You described 2009 there.

Welfare bills doubled under the Tories. Poverty rising. - Labour 2009...

When I was growing up, the family was strong, the sense of social responsibility was strong. Crime was low. There was a national ethos and spirit that had won the war and stayed with us in peace. - You, your party have destroyed it, ripped it apart, called it rascist, put alien cultures and ideas over our own.

We will respect family life, develop it and encourage it in any way we can. For strong families are the foundation of strong communities. - Shame you did not respect life enough to pay personall respects to the war dead, or Dr David Kelly...

We will be tough on the causes of crime but tough on crime too. - Tough on homeowners, soft on pikeys.

We will provide for security in old age. - By looting pensions.

But I will not make promises on money until I know that they can be kept. - Really?!

The next Labour government will scrap the Tory internal market of the NHS and will improve and renew the NHS as a decent public service for all the people. - Failed, totally failed.

No more bogus red tape and expensive bureaucracy. - Overstaffed quango's, town halls full of non jobs, PCSO's, bin snoopers etc etc etc..

Not bigger government.

Better government. - Spin, hype and lies.

A parliament for Scotland and an Assembly for Wales, legislated for in the first year of a Labour government. Achievable precisely because we will have the clear consent of the Scottish and Welsh people before doing it. - A pair of over rated talking shops...

The quango-state in history's dustbin where it belongs. - Fail.

An so it went on. I could fisk it all but fuck it, fuck that lying grinning cunt Blair right through the heart.

Gordon the tax an spend, Mr no more boom an bust, Mr I saved the World. Now we have low skilled workers coming in from abroad, unless you class a working knowledge of roadside bombs to be a useful job skill that is?

Money presses at work, gold reserves spent.

Oh and Dr David Kelly is still dead driven to his grave by New Labour scum.

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