Earthquake in Wales.

Oh I so have to take the piss out of this, as Wales was hit by a minor earthquake.

An Earthquake measuring 3.1 on the Richter scale hit Nantyffyllon last night.

Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order" "mental" and "sorted".

The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas for 'burning out cars' were wiped out, these being known locally as being of historic importance.

Many locals were woken before their Giros arrived. One resident, Kylie -Demi Tremarco, a 15 year old single mother of four said "It was such a f**kin shock, little Chardonnay-Destiny came running into my bedroom crying; my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin-up."

The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous "Elizabeth Duke" sovereign rings, benefit books and Pound Stretcher ornaments.

How can you help?

This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits, white socks, Burberry caps, Beanie hats and Reebok trainers.

Food parcels are also needed. They should include McCain oven chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and FarmFoods pizza. Sadly fresh supplies of alcohol are also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider, Tennants Super and Special Brew.

Cash donations are urgently needed and if you send your credit or debit card details the residents will do the rest.

Remember -

*22p buys a 'signing-on' biro,

*£2.50 buys a Jumbo sausage dinner,

*£20.00 buys a fake MOT and

*£16.00 buys 200 Regal from the back of Misso's lorry.

YOUR HELP COULD SAVE LIVES - THANK YOU.

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