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Contact Cyclops.

Go on you know you want to: https://email.number10.gov.uk/Contact.aspx

Anyway I figured all this saving for shit lark is a mugs game, fuck that for a game of soldiers. I think I deserve some free shit for doing fuck all. 

Therefore I sent off a small message to the cyclopedian one.

Dear unelected PM,

A lot has been written about MP expenses of late - sadly for MP's it was written before it could be heavily censored by MP's.

As I have seen the not so Rt Hon. members can claim many things like mortgage payment help, help with holiday home dry rot and claim electrical goods gratis.

By gratis I mean of course monies taken from the pockets of taxpayers.

As I am at this time suffering some financial hardship I would like to apply for these perks that MP's get.

So if you could be so kind as to sort me out with a £400 per month food allowance awarded to MP's I would be most grateful.

Plus my telly is in need of updating and rather than saving - a mugs game you will agree - I would like to cash in my MP perk and blag a 40" widescreen monster.

Lastly I see Phil Hope MP claimed £179 on blinds/curtains, well the wife wants some new ones - me I like the ones we have - still thats women!

Anyway cheers for listening an I look forward to my freebies.


Paul G.

So think of the fun if our mono visioned leader gets a few thousand e-mails all asking for the same perks as awarded to do nothing rubber stamp policy MP's. He can not really complain, after all the banks had their bailout, so why not the taxpayers.

Thats the basic point of socialism, to spread the wealth about. So I have just asked for some of it to be spread my way. 

4 people have spoken:

Oldrightie said...

No chance.

Dazed and Confused said...

Dear Gordo,

Afore I begin, I must doff my cap to the great vision you undoubtedly have.

To bleat on endlessly about "a fairer Society for all", while st all the time, having your own self righteous snout buried deeply in the cesspit of endemic corruption and greed, is without doubt a new low, even for New Labour, and as such, I salute you for it.

Now, just like M.P.s, I can't see the point of working and paying taxes anymore, unless I can help myself to untold scams and kickbacks.

I mean, If M.P.s do it then why shouldn't I want a piece of the action? - After all, You've always made it perfectly clear that New Labour are the moral compass on which the rest of we poor saps are expected to conform, and live our lives in accordance too. - Good God you've preached that point from your righteous pulpit until your blue in the face.

Please send my details of how I can claim everything and anything, for doing little to nothing, as I too want to be just like my political masters.

P.S. - If I learn to "Oink" loudly, and hurl Nokia phones in piques of childish anger, would that aide my snout grubbing cause any?

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Dear Gordon,
As you will know, living in a second home in London can be very stressful so would it be OK to claim for an evening at a Thai Massage Parlour followed by a few beers with 'the lads' to relax a bit after a hard day wading through the horribly complicated 36 page troughing manual ( Green Book ) ?

Fidothedog said...

I think this could catch on, e-mail him and ask for free stuff.