Gerald Kaufman has got OCD:Obsessive Cunt Disorder.

The Times ripps into Gerald who claims to have OCD.

Gerald Kaufman reckons he needs a £220 pair of grapefruit bowls because he’s got OCD. Which he diagnosed... himself. It makes a mockery of real sufferers' woes.

You will have read in The Times this week that doctors are developing new ways to spot the early signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so that they can treat patients before they morph into fully fledged lightbulb-licking towel-tidiers.

Well, hurrah for that, and not a moment too soon. If this kind of help had been available earlier, we might have been spared the whole MPs’ expenses hoo-ha. Why? Because from the lips of Sir Gerald Kaufman has come a novel explanation for his alleged graspingness on the parliamentary claim form. He had to buy the £220 pair of Waterford grapefruit bowls that he claimed on expenses, you see, because he suffers from OCD.

No snide jokes about “Obsessive Claiming Disorders”, please: OCD is a distressing condition. Sir Gerald’s cleaner had smashed one of his existing crystal bowls, so he felt compelled to get two more exactly the same — one for him and one for “any guests”.

“Because I’ve got this self-diagnosed OCD, I do things according to rules that I’ve created,” he said, explaining that he must have the same breakfast whether in London or Manchester: half a grapefruit, a bowl of muesli with semi-skimmed milk and a cup of coffee with a Rich Tea biscuit. “You may think I oughtn’t to have a Waterford grapefruit dish,” says the Gorton MP, “but I do. And I ate out of it today.”

Are, right you are then. Now I need a new telly, exactly the same model as my old one so I can coordinate them. How do I claim, I have OCD honest, whilst I cross fingers behind back at this point. How do I claim?

What I can't grab free stuff unless I am a grasping hoon of an MP! Fucksocks.

Oh and if ever there was an MP who looked like a serial killer than its Kaufman, he has something that reminds me of 10 Rillington Place.

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