Carphone Whorehouse. Dial/Yes Loans

Brilliant. Having worked for the dubious fraudster Keith Wilmot Chorlton who had the contract for Carphone Warehouse customer services at the Dial centre, I found this highly amusing.

And so a chance to repost a piss take parody of Charles Dunstone doing an apology to all his put upon customers:

"Well we have been fined thirty five thousand pounds by Ofcom the industry regulator over silent calls from our call centre computers. I know this will come as a huge suprise to many of our customers who can never get through to an agent and although when they get through no one ever returns their calls. But come on guys and gals look on the bright side at least it was a call back, ok a silent one but a call back none the less."

"Indeed we most upset at this fine as I feel that we do a spiffing job, well aside from the fact that we pass the buck, blame BT, take forever and a day to connect people to the broadband, don't tell them the full costs with regard one off charges and our internet support is based in India. Oh and you will spend eons getting through to anyone out there."

"On a personal note I would like to apologise for the silent calls, make the usual lame promises that things will improve and say that I am quite sad at Ofcom, I was hoping that they would have been so busy over the Jade Goody complaints that they would not have noticed me. Still I am sure Jade will soon be getting lots of endorsements as on Feb.18th it is the Chinese year of the Pig."

"As someone who believes in open business, well unless you try to complaint about Carphone Warehouse that is, I feel that I should make it up to my few remaining customers who are all tied into 18 months of contract."

"Should you need to talk I am always there for you, well actually I am on my yacht but you know what I mean. I care, no I really do. I love each one of you that has paid for the big house, the chain of shops, the plush yacht and my flash motor. Oh and did I mention the yacht, oh yeah I did. Again thanks for paying for that."

"So come on give me a call and we will talk through all your problems, I will explain why having a crap telephone on the Opal network is a positive, how BT are evil, why you still can't get online. Call me on (+44) 07836200164 - ask for Charles."
Oh what the hell, here is the other parody of Charles :
"Our concern has rapidly mounted about the broadcast behaviour of individuals within the Big Brother house."

"We are totally against all forms of racism and bullying, indeed I feel very strongly that the only place that any form of abuse should occur is in my call centres and those that I have contracted out to outside parties; and indeed this behaviour is entirely at odds with the brand values of The Carphone Warehouse."

"As a result, we feel that as long as this continues, we are unable to associate our brand with the programme. Thus now we can walk away feeling all smug and superior."

"Although we piss around our customers, charge them the earth and the stars and blame BT for everything, on this occasion we moved rather fast to cover our collective arses and protect the shareprice."

"On a personal note I would like to breath a sign of relief in that Ofcom are now getting far more complaints about Ms Goody than they are about my "free" broadband and alleged mis sales over my phone products, should her business empire come crashing down she can work in one of my shops any day, or maybe go around signing up people for Talk Talk in Tesco's."

"As someone who believes in open business, well unless you try to complaint about Carphone Warehouse that is, I feel that I should make it up to my few remaining customers who are all tied into 18 months of contract."

"Should you need to talk I am always there for you, well actually I am on my yacht but you know what I mean. I care, no I really do. I love each one of you that has paid for the big house, the chain of shops, the plush yacht and my flash motor. Oh and did I mention the yacht, oh yeah I did. Again thanks for paying for that."

"So come on give me a call and we will talk through all your problems, I will explain why having a crap telephone on the Opal network is a positive, how BT are evil, why you still can't get online. Call me on (+44) 07836200164 - ask for Charles."

or mail me at: DunstoC@cpwplc.com

Doh! Charles D gets a slap across the knuckles.

http://newportcity.blogspot.com/2007/02/talk-talk-carphone-warehouse-in.html
http://newportcity.blogspot.com/2007/01/big-brother-carphone-warehouse-pull.html
http://newportcity.blogspot.com/2006/09/talk-talk-dire-telecoms-company.html
http://newportcity.blogspot.com/2006/11/cpw-carphone-warehouse-strong-arm.html
Tags: Talk Talk
Charles Dunstone
Offcom
Carphone Warehouse

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